Joy

We laughed in Haiti…a lot.

It didn’t really hit me, until today, when a journalist asked me if all the suffering and injuries were upsetting to me. It was in the context of a report on the experiences of Brown faculty, students, and staff that have worked in Haiti both before and after the earthquake. I tried to recall how I dealt with the extent of what I saw. As a surgeon, I’ve learned to compartmentalize my emotions, (this blog none withstanding). But for many of the others, I realized that they hadn’t been exposed to this sights, sounds, and smells. Yet when I looked back at the pictures, and think of the people with whom I worked, I didn’t see sadness or pain, I saw joy.

Joy is not the headiness of first love, or the feeling of accomplishment when completing a task. Joy is the recognition that you are in the moment, experiencing the world around you, and finding that it resonates with your core. And laughter can be an expression of joy, even when the situation seems difficult. The children were injured, certainly, but their smiles and their eyes took away any doubt we had that we could do what we needed to. We could have been upset by some of the working conditions, until we laughed every day at the room 3 gecko report, our friend by the air conditioner enforcing the “no fly” zone near the operative site. We laughed when asked what was for dinner- “tonight something new – rice and beans, unlike last night’s beans and rice…” We dressed up the pet goat in scrubs, and took him to the tents to make rounds - you could hear the laughter back at the compound.

How do we still find joy, when back “in the world” and dealing with the complexities of work, family and relationships? It is easy to focus on what we may not have, or jobs that have been eliminated. But if we allow ourselves to ruminate, we lose opportunities at joy in the present and hope for the future. And it doesn’t have to be some major humanitarian effort to find it.

This weekend, I am going to California to see my middle son and his girlfriend, as well as my Uncle. The other reason is to participate in one of the most unique happenings of May – the Bay to Breakers Run. You nonrunners out there already think we’re a bit crazy, but imagine 40,000 people out for a seven mile jog from the San Francisco Bay, across the city, through Golden Gate Park, finishing at the beach on the Pacific. Oh, and many will be in costume, some will be naked (the Bare to Breakers – not sure where you pin the number), others will rope themselves together as human centipedes, and a separate group will dress as salmon, start at the finish and run upstream, against the crowd, to spawn at the start line. Why – it’s pure joy – no reason, no redeeming social value, just a group of people sharing the energy of the moment.

And at some point during that run, I’ll be laughing, and expect it will feel a lot like Milot.