Clarity of Thought in the Dark of the Night

As a surgery resident, our schedule required an early arrival at the hospital to check on the patients prior to starting the day’s schedule. The hours from 4-6 am brought us into a quiet world, with virtually deserted streets, and a peacefulness that I certainly appreciated before the hectic day commenced. Although a bit sleepy, there was clarity of thought. There’s something special about “0 Dark 30”

I was actually looking forward to experiencing that again this morning, as Ed Constantine and I were to meet at the Boca Raton airport at 0500, to begin a trip that would take the computer equipment and me to Milot via Turks and Cap; then Ed flying back the same route bringing CRUDEM volunteers to the States to catch evening flights home. In previous posts, I mentioned looking forward to sunrise from the cockpit. The schedule once I got to Milot was also tight, as I needed to work with the local hospital administration on their perspectives to ensure a successful rollout and begin the pharmacy inventory. I also wanted to give the local physicians treating the cholera victims (we have 600), some help.

I spent last evening with my brother in Boca, and slept fitfully. A front was moving through and the wind was picking up. At 4 am I looked out at the palms in the back swaying against the black sky.

Not surprisingly, the phone rang at 0430. It was Ed. He had just finished a briefing that included gusty winds, the possibility of thunderstorms, and an approach into Cap that was doable, but depended on several issues lining up. The flight could be done legally, the question was should it be. There were volunteers that would miss flights home, and my time in country, which was already reduced due to the impending move to California, would be further cut. We were 2 experienced pilots, and prided ourselves on the ability to manage risk and use our aircraft to their fullest capacities. Ed had seldom, if ever, had to cancel a relief flight for CRUDEM. The conversation lasted about three minutes.

We immediately cancelled until tomorrow.

It’s important to have the confidence to move ahead and accomplish a goal, and risks are inherent to any decision. As surgeons, we must have a level of healthy narcissism to open another human being and correct what nature has turned awry. We also must pause to recognize when risks exceed benefits and develop alternative plans. The older I get, I find myself paradoxically more confident and more aware of risks. Perhaps, it’s knowing that you will accomplish your goals, despite setbacks, even if it takes a brief delay to regroup. I didn’t always see that as a younger man. In the blackness that is 0 Dark 30, is the knowledge that the sunlight will be soon be coloring the Eastern sky.

Catch you tomorrow from Haiti.